Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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