He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
