At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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