I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
