I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
