I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
