He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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