If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
