so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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