Cold hands, warm shart.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
