I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize