its not stalking. its research.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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