there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
