saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
