I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
