So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
