why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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