Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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