Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
