Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
