they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
