Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
