i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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