he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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