I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
