I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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