Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
