I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
