So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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