it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
