I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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