The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You are the jesus of drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize