I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
