i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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