You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
