I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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