Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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