last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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