Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
