Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
