i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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