yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
