You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
