you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I did not marry a roomba.
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