Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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