I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
