when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
