Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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