Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
