She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
