wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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