I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
