I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
