Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
