Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
