i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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