Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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